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What Leads To Insecurities In A Relationship
Insecurity is a powerful emotion. It can distort your view of many aspects of your life, including your relationship. When we experience doubt and insecurity, we judge ourselves harshly, hold ourselves to unrealistic standards, and often wonder why we’re worthy of love, Says Hirav Shah, Strategist, Guide, Astrologer and Motivational Guru for businesses and corporates.
Insecurity is an inner feeling
Insecurity is an inner feeling of being threatened and/or inadequate in some way. We’ve all felt it at one time or another. But while it’s quite normal to have feelings of self-doubt once in a while, chronic insecurity can sabotage your success in life and can be particularly damaging to your intimate relationships. Chronic insecurity robs you of your peace and prevents you from being able to engage with your partner in a relaxed and authentic way. The actions that come from insecurity—always asking for reassurance, jealousy, accusing, and snooping—erode trust, aren’t attractive, and can push a partner away.
Common Insecurities As Outlined By Hirav Shah
Insecurities can—and do—run the gamut, Quotes Shah.
The most common ones are
- Doubting that you can have a healthy and satisfying long-term relationship. As in, you’re worried that once the shininess of a new relationship wears off, your partner won’t love the “real you.” (Or vice versa.)
- Worrying about changing or mismatched relationship goals, expectations, and values.
- Fearing that your partner will suddenly abandon you. This one is more common if you have an anxious attachment style, which usually stems from what you observed about relationships growing up and how your parents responded to your needs.
Hirav Shah’s 5-Mantras for Insecurities in a Relationship
When you start to notice that sinking feeling of insecurity, there are a few things you can do:
1. You can restart your life
Ever been in a relationship so terrible that you would love to just wish it all away so you never have to think about it again? Join the club. You’ll be hard-pressed to find a person who doesn’t have a bit of baggage because this love thing is an unpredictable (and sometimes rocky) ride.
A little baggage is totally okay, but you need to lighten your load before jumping into any new relationship. Let go of any left-over hurtful feelings that might be lingering and realize that your new relationship is a new opportunity to put all of that behind you.
The lovely thing about life: you can re-start as many times as you need to !
2. Take stock of your value
When you feel insecure, you are often focused on something you feel is lacking about you. In most well-matched relationships, each partner brings different qualities and strengths that complement the other. It is possible to be equals in different ways. To feel more secure in a relationship, it helps to know what you have to offer to the other person. You don’t have to be rich or beautiful to offer something—personality characteristics are far more important to the overall quality of a relationship.
Think about the traits you have as a person—you may be nice, trustworthy, funny, kind, or a good communicator. These are traits most people value in a partner. And think about how you make the other person’s life better: Do you make them feel loved, supported, and happy? These are things everyone wants to feel in a relationship, but many often don’t. Focus on what you offer instead of what you feel you lack; this will change your perspective. If the other person doesn’t appreciate what you have to offer, that’s his or her loss.
3. Focus on your positive attributes
RuPaul said it best: “If you don’t love yourself, how in the h*ll you gonna love somebody else?” Easier said than done, I know. No one (not even the most confident drag queen) becomes a self-love master overnight—you’ve gotta start small.
Orbuch recommends making a list of five things that you like about yourself, then reading it whenever you begin to feel self-doubt.
While you’re at it, make a list of your unique gifts too, she says. Maybe you make Instagram-worthy acai bowls on the reg or tackle hills in your cycling class like a pro. Whatever your talents, celebrate them.
4. Everything Is In Your Head
All of your insecurities in a relationship start in your own head. Your thoughts affect your emotions, and your emotions affect your actions. When you let anxious thoughts spiral out of control, that’s when you lash out at your partner, become defensive or shut down. Stop these feelings before they start by learning to control your emotions.
5. Channelize your energy into doing something Productive
If you’re looking to banish jealousy in relationships, start exercising or doing something active if you can. It may sound a bit bizarre, but the truth is getting your heart rate up for at least 30 minutes each day can help boost your self-esteem and promote positive mental health.
Hirav Shah Says, regular exercise can help reduce anxiety, depression, and boost your mood. It can also clear your headspace, giving you time to meditate or just hang back and enjoy the high from your workout.
FAQs, Quotes and Strategies by Hirav Shah
How can I overcome insecurities in my relationship?
Answer: To overcome insecurities, focus on open communication, practice self-awareness, build self-esteem, and seek support if needed.
What role does communication play in addressing relationship insecurities?
Answer: Communication helps address insecurities by allowing partners to express their concerns, understand each other’s perspectives, and build trust.
Can improving self-esteem help reduce insecurities in a relationship?
Answer: Yes, improving self-esteem can help reduce insecurities by fostering a healthier self-image and enhancing confidence in the relationship.
Are there specific exercises or practices to build self-confidence in relationships?
Answer: Practices such as self-reflection, affirmations, setting personal goals, and engaging in activities that boost confidence can be helpful.
When should I seek professional help for relationship insecurities?
Answer: Consider seeking professional help if insecurities are persistent, impacting relationship quality, or causing significant distress.
Quotes
1. “Fear of rejection is the barrier between where you are and where you want to be.”
Explanations: Fear of rejection can prevent personal growth and the development of healthy relationships. Overcoming this fear is crucial for advancement.
Strategy: Identify and confront fears directly by gradually facing them and building confidence through small, positive experiences.
Execution: Practice self-affirmation and engage in open, honest conversations with your partner about your fears.
2. “Insecurities are often reflections of our own doubts and are not always based on reality.”
Explanations: Many insecurities stem from internal doubts rather than external truths. Understanding this can help in addressing them effectively.
Strategy: Challenge your insecurities by examining their origins and comparing them against evidence of reality.
Execution: Keep a journal to track your thoughts and feelings, and review them to separate facts from unfounded fears.
3. “Trust is the foundation on which you build a secure and lasting relationship.”
Explanations: Building trust is essential for a strong relationship, as it fosters a sense of safety and openness.
Strategy: Focus on consistent, honest communication and follow through on promises to build and maintain trust.
Execution: Make an effort to be reliable and transparent with your partner, and address any trust issues promptly.
4. “Self-love is not selfish; it is the key to a fulfilling relationship.”
Explanations: Loving yourself and recognizing your worth is crucial for creating healthy and balanced relationships with others.
Strategy: Engage in self-care practices, set personal boundaries, and affirm your self-worth regularly.
Execution: Incorporate daily self-care routines and seek out activities that reinforce your self-esteem.
5. “Growth in a relationship starts with understanding and accepting your own insecurities.”
Explanations: Recognizing and accepting your insecurities allows for personal growth and improved relationship dynamics.
Strategy: Reflect on your insecurities and their impact on your relationship, and work on self-improvement and communication.
Execution: Have regular self-reflection sessions and open discussions with your partner about your insecurities to foster mutual understanding.
Final Words
Although insecurity can sometimes feel like you’re being sucked under in a whirlpool of doubt and darkness, climbing out is surprisingly easy. If you really focus on each of these steps with intention, the results will be straightforward.
You will become more secure.
Your life will get easier, happier, smoother and healthier.
The most important thing in our life is
“Our Life”, Concludes Hirav Shah.
